The awkward, creeping horror, NOOOOO!

Week 7

Welcome back.  Blog reading music this week comes from Coheed & Cambria, another all time favourite (I've got Coheed & Cambria tattoos even) with a boxing themed video, seems a perfect fit.  This it total LETSGETPUMPED gym music for me.

Remember a couple of weeks ago I did my weekly weigh in, hadn't lost anything and got pissed off? Same thing happened again this week but this time I shrugged, walked off and got on with my day.  It's weird, each week I either lose 7 pounds or nothing.  But it didn't bother me, one of the big things about this 12 Week program is self awareness and I remembered how I felt about this last time, how I rationalised it and moved right on with my day. Feels good to recognise that I avoided something that previously would have stressed me out.  Even without the weight loss I hit a milestone this week, 100kg deadlifts (almost my bodyweight), which seemed impossible when I started, Kat told me early on she'd have me lifting triple figures and I laughed at her.

My gym time since starting the 12 week program had been 2 sessions a week hitting the heavy bags and 1 session of weight training.  These have been doing the trick and I've wanted to step it up so have been adding in some more classes at the gym and doing a bit of swimming, classes where rather than hiding in the corner of the gym and hitting the bags I'm hitting pads with a partner and doing a more footwork & head movement (y'know, actual boxing stuff) in a busier class.

I've always struggled with social anxiety. When I had put on all the weight and not been to the gym in months the idea of huffing and puffing my way through a class I didn't think I could complete with a dozen other people filled me with dread.  But after easing myself in, losing a bit of weight, gaining a bit of confidence, get back in there I did. And it felt good to do so, working out in a group is so much easier than just trying to motivate yourself alone. Seriously, if you're struggling go to a class of something, anything.

In the summer when I was injured and putting on weight and went along to a 12 Rounds event at the Clapham Grand to watch a fight and The Chimp (those niggling, irrational fears and responses that come from the primal parts of your brain) was powerfully in control. So anxious and uncomfortable, John & Kat from 12 Rounds are lovely, and the people from the gym I knew are all friendly but I spent the whole night crawling in my skin, stumbling through conversations, fighting to be a normal, social person but desperate to get away from crowds and I remember breathing a huge sigh of relief when I left and hastily made my way home utterly stressed out.  That old depressive black cloud following at my heels.  A couple of months later I had a talk with Kat and started this 12 Week Transformation program.

A few weeks ago we had a dinner with out little crew of 12 Weekers (social interaction with people I hardly know?  ARGHH!) which was really nice and helpful for keeping the motivation up, then a couple of weeks ago I met a load of complete strangers from the internet to go to gig in Manchester (Virtual strangers danger! The awkward, creeping horror, NOOOOO!) which turned out to be wicked late night fun.  Next spring I've arranged to go to a 3 day music festival with 1 person I knew years ago and a group of about 8 strangers and I'm not bothered in the slightest.  Obviously keeping on top of something like this is an ongoing process, but I feel much better equipped to do so.  It's amazing what a good diet, exercise and a bit of awareness can do for your self esteem.

I'll probably lose more weight next week.

Thanks for reading, here's an adorable video of a kitten and a great dane (WARNING Has caused two women in my life to cry this week) and here's another picture of my cat Bambo because he's awesome.

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