Friday, 25 September 2015

Getting punched in the face is better than being depressed.

This week's blog music is Order of the Dog by Ginger, probably my favourite ever songwriter kicking out a blinder about his long-term mental health issues.  This blog is supposed to be about me fighting the flab but it all starts in the head.

OK, so it's been ages.  In my last blog post I talked about struggling with a spot of depression and how I felt like I was on the right side of it and mostly feeling better by the end of the post.  Safe to say I spoke to soon and that shit just lingered and lingered.  My friend Femma from our 12 Rounds nutrition group sent me this cartoon the other day that actually does a good job of summing up what depression feels like, energy and motivation are the first things to go and that's hardly good for me writing a weekly blog about how I'm losing weight and getting healthy as you can imagine. Under the Black Dog, without energy or motivation I don't remember why I write a blog, I don't have the chutzpah in me to make the effort to do so and I don't even care why I've been trying to lose weight and get healthy in the first place.  In fact I'm totally convinced everything is a waste of time in the long run so logically why bother with any of it?   I always love spending time at the gym, being energised by all the positivity I find there and one day a couple of weeks ago I found myself in tears walking down there on a Saturday morning just because I'd been kicked off the bus a few stops early. Just totally unable to cope with any kind of stress, constantly full of anxiety and I wanting nothing more than to cocoon myself and just say fuck it all. So the diet goes to all hell, gym sessions become less frequent and half hearted, I feel like I've let myself and others down but don't feel capable of dealing with it, sleep is difficult  and best of all Dan starts boozing.   Awesome combination.  

Another cartoon that sums it up quite nicely.
So that fact that you're reading this is a good sign.  It took a while to realise I was sliding down and then it takes quite an effort to work up to getting healthy again, It's easy to forget that eating poorly, especially emotional eating/drinking, and not doing exercise makes my body and mind feel worse and worse and vice versa but as of last weekend the cloud was finally lifting proper, I'd been in the gym more, the diet was mostly getting back to business and then on Saturday I did my first bit of sparring in a while (I didn't want to, John from the gym just tapped me on the back at the end of the session and said "You're sparring") and it's amazing how getting punched in the face few times clears the cobwebs.  Although if you're reading this and suffering from depression I don't think clinically that would be recommended.

So by Monday morning I was back to feeling full steam ahead on this and I was feeling great about getting in the gym before work.  The diet's been 100% on point all week (made easier by my beloved Diana starting doing The Body Coach 90 day plan, so she's filling the fridge with green stuff and being super organised, well done honey!), I've been in the gym plenty and enjoying it again and looking forward to each session and doing yoga (yoga is the best, note to self - never ever stop doing the yoga). I've got more sparring sessions booked in for next week and feeling legitimately motivated again, even if just not to get hit in the face so many times.  Feeling like myself again.

7am Monday morning training with my guru/spirit animal Kat

Roasted peppers stuffed with chili.  Oh yeah, I remember that I
actually really enjoy healthy food.

Cinnamon porridge, chia seeds, raspberries and peanut butter.
It's like pudding for breakfast and it's AWESOME
Next week, less mental health and more clean eating and sweating my guts out.  Thanks for reading.  Here'a an amazing rabbit and a kitten and baby waking up together, cuteness approaching critical mass.


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